Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize