True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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