i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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