The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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