My first STD was from a foam party
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
false alarm. still invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize