The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
