dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
