what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
