I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Define "chronic" masturbator.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
