My hand turned me down
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
