by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.