dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
