maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
