I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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