I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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