I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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