So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize