Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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