Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
