chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
