Non-Jews are for practice
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just gift wrapped bread.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
