Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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