I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
