I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
