I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
