Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
