dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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