We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
