help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
