so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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