May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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