I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
