we're blogging at a bar
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
