the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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