My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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