just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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