Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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