Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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