so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
