my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
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