There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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