apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
