I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
