I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
