I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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