Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His nipple licking is glorious
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