somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
