Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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