Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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