theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
