he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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