things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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