There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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