why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
