It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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