Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
