Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
