We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
