now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
