If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
