So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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